Today’s parents are raising children in a world very different from the one they grew up in. Mobile phones, social media and fast-changing values have made parenting harder than before. Yet the core principles of the Qur’an and Sunnah are as useful now as they were fourteen centuries ago. This article sets out those principles in a practical way, drawing on authentic hadith and, where it helps, on modern research.
Raising children: a trust and a responsibility
The Qur’an addresses parents directly:
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ قُوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمۡ وَأَهۡلِيكُمۡ نَارٗا
“O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire.”
— Surah at-Tahrim 66:6
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that each of you is a guardian and responsible for those in your care: war-rajulu ra’in fi ahlihi wa huwa mas’ulun ’an ra’iyyatihi, wal-mar’atu ra’iyatun fi bayti zawjiha wa mas’ulatun ’an ra’iyyatiha, “a man is a guardian over his family and responsible for them, and a woman is a guardian over her husband’s home and responsible for it” (Sahih al-Bukhari 893). Raising children is the shared duty of mother and father.
Every child is born upon the fitrah
كُلُّ مَوْلُودٍ يُولَدُ عَلَى الْفِطْرَةِ، فَأَبَوَاهُ يُهَوِّدَانِهِ أَوْ يُنَصِّرَانِهِ أَوْ يُمَجِّسَانِهِ
“Every child is born upon the natural disposition (fitrah); then his parents make him a Jew, a Christian or a Magian.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari 1385
This hadith contains a whole philosophy of upbringing. A child is born with the capacity for goodness, and the environment, above all the parents’ example, decides which way the child will go. Children learn less from what we say than from what we do. A father who lies himself will struggle to teach his child to be truthful.
Love and tenderness: the foundation
Once the Messenger of Allah ﷺ kissed his grandson al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali. Al-Aqra’ ibn Habis, sitting nearby, said: I have ten children and have never kissed any of them. The Prophet ﷺ looked at him and said:
مَنْ لاَ يَرْحَمُ لاَ يُرْحَمُ
“Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari 5997
He also talked with small children about the things they cared about. Anas’s little brother, Abu ’Umayr, had a small bird (a nughayr) he played with. Whenever the Prophet ﷺ visited, he would ask him warmly: ya Aba ’Umayr, ma fa’ala an-nughayr? “O Abu ’Umayr, what has the little bird been doing?” (Sahih al-Bukhari 6203). The busiest leader of the ummah made time to ask a small boy about his bird. For parents today, the lesson is that sharing a child’s small interests is the way into the child’s heart.
Fairness between children
An-Nu’man ibn Bashir’s father gave him a gift and wanted the Messenger of Allah ﷺ to witness it. The Prophet ﷺ asked: have you given all your children a gift like this? He said no. The Prophet ﷺ said:
فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ، وَاعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ أَوْلاَدِكُمْ
“Fear Allah, and be just between your children.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari 2587
So he went back and took the gift back. Favouring one child over another, whether in gifts, attention or praise, breeds jealousy and distance between siblings. That includes fairness between sons and daughters.
Luqman’s advice: a Qur’anic curriculum
Surah Luqman records a father’s advice to his son, which is a complete curriculum for upbringing. First, belief:
يَٰبُنَيَّ لَا تُشۡرِكۡ بِٱللَّهِۖ إِنَّ ٱلشِّرۡكَ لَظُلۡمٌ عَظِيمٞ
“O my dear son, do not associate anything with Allah; indeed, associating others with Him is a tremendous wrong.”
— Surah Luqman 31:13
Notice that the advice opens with ya bunayya, “O my dear son”: affection before instruction. Luqman then tells his son that even a deed the weight of a mustard seed, hidden in a rock or anywhere in the heavens or the earth, Allah will bring it out (31:16). The awareness that Allah sees everything builds a conscience that protects a child even when the parents are absent. Next come worship and character:
يَٰبُنَيَّ أَقِمِ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأۡمُرۡ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِ وَٱنۡهَ عَنِ ٱلۡمُنكَرِ وَٱصۡبِرۡ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَصَابَكَۖ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنۡ عَزۡمِ ٱلۡأُمُورِ
“O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient with what befalls you. Indeed, that is of the matters requiring resolve.”
— Surah Luqman 31:17
And finally manners: not turning your cheek away from people in contempt, not walking arrogantly, being moderate in your pace and lowering your voice (31:18–19). Belief, conscience, worship, character and manners: this order still guides every home.
Prayer: from age seven, with gentleness
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
مُرُوا أَوْلاَدَكُمْ بِالصَّلاَةِ وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ سَبْعِ سِنِينَ
“Instruct your children to pray when they are seven years old.”
— Sunan Abi Dawud 495 (graded hasan sahih by al-Albani)
The same hadith mentions firmness about prayer at ten and separating children’s beds. Scholars point out that the three years from seven to ten are a time to build the habit through love, encouragement and example, and that at no stage is it permissible to injure or humiliate a child. The Qur’an asks the same of parents themselves: “Enjoin prayer on your family, and be steadfast in it yourself” (Surah Ta-Ha 20:132).
Guidance suited to each age
A popular saying goes: “Let them play for seven years, teach them for seven, and be their friend for seven.” This is not a hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, and its attribution to any Companion is not authentically established. Still, its general idea, that each age has its own needs, matches experience:
- Early years: love, safety, play, and hearing Allah’s name and the Qur’an at home. At this age children learn mostly by watching.
- Early school years: encouragement to pray, learning the Qur’an, values such as honesty and trustworthiness, and small responsibilities.
- Teenage years: friendship, trust and conversation. At this age, reasons and listening work better than orders. A teenager should be sure they can bring any question or problem to their parents.
Phones and screens
The World Health Organization’s 2019 guidelines for children under five recommend:
- Under one year: no screen time.
- Age one: sedentary screen time (such as watching TV or videos) is not recommended.
- Ages two to four: no more than one hour a day; less is better.
For older children, a few clear house rules help: no phones at meals or prayer times, phones out of the bedroom at night, and apps and games chosen with parents’ oversight. The most effective rule of all is that parents follow them too.
Dua: the strongest tool of all
After every effort, guidance is in Allah’s hands. The Qur’an teaches the prayer of His righteous servants:
رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٖ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Our Lord, grant us from our spouses and our children the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the God-conscious.”
— Surah al-Furqan 25:74
A righteous child is not only a joy in this world but an investment for the next. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that when a person dies, his deeds come to an end except for three: ongoing charity, knowledge that benefits others, aw waladin salihin yad’u lahu, “or a righteous child who prays for him” (Sahih Muslim 1631).
Practical lesson
- This week, spend at least fifteen minutes a day with each child talking about what interests them, with no phone in hand.
- Write three screen rules for your home, put them where everyone can see, and follow them yourself.
- Make the dua of Surah al-Furqan 25:74 a habit after every prayer.
- If you have unknowingly favoured one child over another, put it right.
Sources
- The Qur’an: 66:6, 31:13–19, 20:132, 25:74
- Sahih al-Bukhari 893, 1385, 5997, 6203, 2587
- Sunan Abi Dawud 495
- Sahih Muslim 1631
- World Health Organization, Guidelines on physical activity, sedentary behaviour and sleep for children under 5 years of age (April 2019)